Sex Ed
by ingvild
Summary: Doctor J gives Heero "the talk". Originally written for gw500. Rated for frank explanation.


Title: Sex ed

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Aren't you relieved?

A/N: Originally written for the gw500 comm on LJ.

**Sex Ed**

Doctor J hated his assistant. Hated him with a deep, burning passion, as fiery as the stars off in the distance. He wished he had never hired the stupid bastard. Surely he could have finished the Gundam and trained the pilot all by himself?

But no, he had to hire a stupid assistant who had to point out that the pilot would have to interact with other people his own age when he went to Earth, and that he would be fifteen – the right age to start discovering...

Girls. Or boys, or maybe sheep. Sheep would be nice. Sheep were uncomplicated.

But it was unlikely that he would be so lucky, and either way, other people might notice him. J was faintly aware that the boy was, from a purely aesthetic point of view, not exactly hideous. In fact, he could almost be thought of as...pretty.

Letting him cut his own hair – without a mirror – and encouraging the development of a dress sense that could make any fashionista break down crying just wasn't good enough.

So now J was standing in front of the as yet unnamed boy, who was sitting there calmly and watching him with those soul-searching eyes, and getting ready to explain things.

He was a scientist, dammit. He could do this.

He cleared his throat. "You might have become aware of your body changing lately."

The boy nodded. "Yeah, I know you've been adding things to my food."

"...Not that sort of changes. Your voice might change, and you may have begun to grow hair other places than the top of your head."

The boy frowned. J plunged ahead. "This is perfectly normal. It's part of what we call puberty, when a boy becomes a man. I'll give you some leaflets."

"Okay."

"Now, I don't know if you have yet, but one day you may wake up and be...sticky. Or you might find that your..." He was a scientist, dammit! "You may find that your penis is hard. This is also normal. It's part of growing up. It's a sign that you might be ready to develop a sexual interest in girls. Or boys. Or sheep."

"A what?"

J closed his eyes and explained.

"I'm supposed to put what in what!?"

"No, no, you don't have to do anything, it's just a sign that your body might be ready to. You really shouldn't do anything until your mind and heart are ready as well."

The boy looked pale, yet determined. "You mentioned boys and sheep as well."

J groaned. "Forget the sheep. Concentrate on humans. Now, most boys want girls, but some want other boys."

He frowned. "Other boys don't have that sort of hole."

J coughed. "They have another hole down in that general area."

The boy was quiet for a long minute, then muttered: "That sounds unsanitary. And painful."

"Maybe people wash it first. And I hear there are things to do so it won't be so painful. A sort of gel, and stretching. Actually, the stretching is a good idea with virgin girls as well."

"With what girls?"

"Virgin girls. Girls who've never had sex."

The boy nodded. "I see. How do I know which ones they are?"

"Well, hopefully they'll tell you", J answered frankly.

The boy looked horrified. "I have to talk to them!?"

J nodded emphatically. "Oh, yes. You should never try to have sex with someone you've never talked to. Preferably about having sex, actually. In fact...wait until she approaches you. Or he," he added as an afterthought.

"How do I decide between a girl or a boy?"

"Your body and subconscious mind does that for you. Now, keep in mind, this isn't a requirement. Wait as long as you like. Never let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want."

"I never do."

"And don't pressure anyone, either."

"Right. Hey, doctor J?"

"Yes?"

"What's the point? Why do people have sex?"

J coughed again. "Well, it's supposed to feel nice. Um. Pleasurable."

"Gotcha. Anything else?"

"Well, I suppose I should tell you about contraceptives and what happens if you don't use them..."

A while later:

"Babies come from where!?"


End file.
